Loving Dimitri
by VAfanfiction
Summary: Dimitri loves Rose; she just didn't know how much until now. One-Shot


Loving Dimitri wasn't anything I had ever imagined it would be.

My final year at St. Vladimir's academy after being bought back was spent entirely yearning for Dimitri.

Longing for him.

I spent more time with him than any other person on campus, but being so close without expressing how I truly felt made me believe that there was no way anyone could want, could crave, someone the way I craved Dimitri.

It shocked me- and broke my heart a little more each day- when he would deny me or spew his Zen logic on all of the reasons why we couldn't be together.

I definitely didn't feel reassured in our love after he told me his own love for me had faded. How could it have? He had spoken so lovingly to me after we made love in the cabin. Where had that love gone? Mine didn't disappear like his had. The ache, the need for him just seemed to increase the more he pushed himself away from me.

There were so many instances since the day I met him that proved to me I loved Dimitri far more than he loved me. That I had struggled more at the academy than he did. That I loved him more after he was restored than he did.

I was wrong.

And I hadn't realized how wrong I was until we finally became one while on the run. Each moment after that showed me my love was nothing compared to Dimitri's. My yearning was nothing compared to Dimitri's.

It was the way he made love to me, sometimes so slow that I felt as if he never wanted to disconnect himself from my body. And sometimes so rough that I felt as if he was punishing himself-and me- for being apart for so long.

There were nights I would fall asleep spent and exhausted by Dimitri's loving, only to be woken up again- sometimes up to three times a night- just because Dimitri needed me so badly; because he couldn't get enough of me.

"Dimitri," I would whimper in the dead of the night, as he pushed himself into my already sore body. "Please."

"I'm sorry," his voice filled with guilt. "I'm sorry, I needed you." He would explain in shame, pulling himself out, but I would grab onto his shoulders so tightly, stopping him from leaving me. This is what I wanted since I met him. I wanted him to want me, to need me.

"Come here Dimitri," I would open my legs wider, urging him to continue what he started. "Come to me."

And he would, filling me up so fully and completely, like no one else ever had.

He showed me that he loved me by removing his guardian mask completely in my presence. His face, his emotions were never hidden from me any longer. Dimitri shared everything with me, things I never thought he would feel comfortable sharing. Memories he had of his father before he turned abusive, the fun and trouble him and Ivan would get into before Dimitri officially became his guardian, and the struggles he faced trying to deny his love for me.

"I wanted you to kiss me that day, I almost would have if you didn't pull away," I revealed to him in the quietness of our bedroom. I hadn't realized when our topic of conversation had come to this, but I felt myself getting excited that it had. We were only talking about all of the times I had tried to sneak attack him, telling him that the first time in the gym was the moment I knew I truly wanted him.

"I wanted to kiss you that day, too," he told me. My eyes widened, and I lifted myself onto my arm so I could look down at him.

"You did?" I asked surprised.

"Roza, I wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you in Portland. The man in me wanted you the first time I saw you. It just got worse and worse the closer we got."

I laid back, staring up at the ceiling, processing what Dimitri just told me.

"I thought I was the only one who wanted you," I revealed so quietly, I was hoping he hadn't heard me.

With his guardian like speed, he was on top of me in the next second, making me gasp out in surprise at his sudden change of position.

"I have always wanted you," he spoke fiercely, and I knew this was something he held onto for a long time. He shifted his position, dropping down onto his forearms so I was caged beneath his big body. "Roza you made it known that you wanted me, but for the sake of both of us, I had to keep quiet. If even a little slip up by me were to cost you your future, I would have never forgiven myself. So I was quiet, but it killed me, because keeping my love for you silent was the biggest form of punishment I could have given myself."

I was momentarily stunned into silence. _How had I been so blind?_

"Did you ever think you would fall in love with me?" I asked surprised at the vulnerability I heard in my own voice. Dimitri bit the inside of cheek and shook his head.

I looked away from him, but he grabbed my chin, keeping our gazes locked.

"I had been curious about you before I even met you. I didn't think I would ever fall in love with you, but the feelings crept on me so quickly, I had no way of stopping them." His voice dropped to a whisper and he brushed his lips against my own before he spoke again. "The purest and greatest joy of my life has been loving you."

After two whole hours of being caught in a sweaty tangle of limbs, Dimitri buried his head between my neck and shoulder, seeking solace there.

I was just about to fall asleep when I heard him whisper so quietly, I was sure he was speaking to himself. "I wish I could stay like this. I wish I could die like this. Right here."

But mostly, it was during his silent weeping as nightmares from his days as a strigoi haunted him that I truly realized how much Dimitri loved me.

When he clung to me tightly, confessing all of the horrors he committed. He feared I would leave him if I heard everything, but he was unable to keep the truth from me. He had to let it out.

The whole world, including his mother and sisters, saw Dimitri as a god. Everyone at the academy saw him as a powerful guardian who had been appointed to protect the last Dragomir at the young age of 24. His family saw him as the hero that defeated the evil monster that was his father at the age of 13.

They saw his strength, but Dimitri showed me his weakness, and that's how I knew he loved me.

For a man like Dimitri, to feel so open and comfortable with me, that he could show me his weak side, meant more to me than he could ever imagine.

His never ending need for my body, his easygoing and relaxed nature only I knew of, his constant admissions of love, and his weaknesses that he bared to me so openly were all of the reasons why I knew I was wrong.

He loved me more than I ever thought was possible.


End file.
